She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the day after is always just damage control
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
