I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
