Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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