Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
