I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
