I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
