she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
