At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Randomize
