it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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