Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
