My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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