Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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