I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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