I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
