If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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