Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
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The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
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You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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