I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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