I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
