I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
