No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
