I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
