just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
