You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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