I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
