Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize