I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
