wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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