just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
