I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
