then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
