During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
