but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
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Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
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When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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