Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
