remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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