I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
