but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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