Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
