My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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