I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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