I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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