Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
