Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
