Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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