he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
