i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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