I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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