Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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