when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
