How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
