if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
