the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
