Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
