My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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