i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I need moral support for this bender
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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