Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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