Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
