We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
