Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
