You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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