sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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