we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The dick lei will go down in squad history
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
