my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
