It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize