he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
