I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
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It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
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Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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