how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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