I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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