My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My bed smells like the plague
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
