8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
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