You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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