dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
