Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
