Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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